How to Get Your Kiddo to do His Work: Part I

On the surface all appeared well - homeschooling was going great!!  We've been at it for over three years and have figured out much together.  It's been by far the best lifestyle change we've made as a family and if all goes as planned, we won't be heading back to regular school - ever.  Yes, good overall and I was certain we were on the right path, but lurking below it turns out we were harboring a little monster in our midst - a very clever and wily twelve-year-old who didn't want to do his work by himself.  He really didn't want to do his work, period, and he'd do just about anything to squirm out of it; it was a daily struggle to get him to complete a school-related task.  Fascinating to watch from the outside, surely.  Some would have pointed and smirked, "can't she see it??"  I could certainly sense it, but didn't yet have the wherewithal to comprehend the whole picture.    Kuddos to him for being so smart and crafty about getting his needs met, but this mama had reached her frustration limit!

Little by little I've morphed into one of those dreadful micro-manager-type moms when it comes to school work.  A recording device would be an excellent tool to tally exactly how many times a day I said phrases like these: "Max, do your work";  "get started on your math";  "put that down, buddy, and get your butt over to the table - you've got work to finish up";  "we're leaving in just over an hour; have you done your reading?";  "Dad will be home shortly - let me see how much you've finished."  Over and over and over until of course, the words became nothing more than background noise; I was wasting precious energy dollars on trying to spur him into action or keep him on task.  The words were not backed up by any consequences on my part and morbid frustration descended upon me like a heavy blanket.  Every day we woke to repeat the cycle, but not much changed.  I kept my head up and kept forging ahead.

Do you hear yourself saying these same sorts of things to your child?  Are you hanging over him urging him on to the next problem?  Can you leave the room and trust that he'll stay on task?  Does he follow you or get distracted and start playing with the dog or his Legos?  Does he stretch his school work out until bedtime?

Over the holiday break I made it my sole task to problem solve our situation.  I knew something needed to be done, but wasn't exactly sure what to do!  Help was needed to tease it all apart, and I wished to consult someone who was good at big picture stuff.  I'm notorious for swimming in the details and not looking up to see where I am, constantly bumping into things.  As luck would have it, someone mentioned an approach recommended by John Rosemond in his book, Ending the Homework Hassle.  Do you ever think that the right book is set before you just when you need it?  This one arrived with perfect timing.

The book that is saving the day around here!

I took a rational step forward and invited Mr. John Rosemond over to tea!   More or less.  "We" carried on with a lengthy one-to-one session focusing on restructuring the way school work is to be handled from here on out.  Truth is, Mr. Rosemond didn't really pop over - I downloaded his book on my Kindle and kept my nose to the grindstone until the very last word.  When I looked up again, somehow the situation had promise of a resolution, the sky looked brighter!  Nothing like a hefty dose of clarity to help a girl find her way.

I know that Max is more than capable of being an independent worker.  The responsibility for his school work needed to be set squarely upon his shoulders, and therein was my task - to hand the work over to him and let him manage it. It's not my job to do his work - it's his.  It's my job to look after the house, the animals, the finances, the food, and all the other myriad stuff that comes with being a mom.

Stay tuned to see how we've faired over the last two weeks...........I think we're on to something!  Certainly has taken a different sort of skill set on my part and I had to take time to organize a program, but the outcome is looking promising.  I'll share what we're doing in my next post.  In the meantime, if you are experiencing some of the same struggles as a homeschooling parent, by all means get your hands on a copy of Mr. Rosemond's book for information sake and let's share some experiences!  If you've reached critical mass in the frustration department, remain calm - there's hope!  :)

Minimalism

Does it seem to you that everyone is decluttering their spaces right now??  I've noticed the comments sprinkled about facebook, have heard the whispers floating through the breezes nearly every place I go, and have certainly entertained the urge to turn every mountain into an anthill myself.  It used to be that January was the month for turning on the exercise habit.  It seems that organizing or getting rid of excess material possessions is the new buzz!

Well, I'm on the bandwagon and am quite serious about this endeavor to get out from under the weight of STUFF.  Rather than organize everything once again, I'm getting it out of the house.  Already the kitchen has been culled by over half of its contents - it's so great!  I went ape right after Christmas and emptied out most of our plates, silverware, glasses, wine glasses, mugs, gadgets, small appliances........ we are now the proud curators of 8 dinner plates, 8 bowls, 10 glasses, 5 mugs and enough complimentary silverware to get us comfortably through our daily meals.  It is with excited relief that I tell you - I can now keep up with the dishes and the kitchen looks great!!  Not much on the counters, room to move, room to cook, room to breathe.  It's divine.

Accordingly, there is a ginormous pile of donateables and saleables in the "other" room, one that I don't frequently have to visit, thank goodness.  The plan is to continue to pile things in there and then determine what goes where in the lineup of non-profits, charities, Freecycle, Craigslist.  Just tackling the contents of the kitchen has had a tremendous impact on my idea of what's important.  An ice cream maker is not important to us (because we have not used said ice cream maker in well over a year and it is just taking up precious space; perhaps someone else will place more value upon the ice cream maker, use it weekly and love it); I'm fairly certain that one needs only one vegetable peeler, after all, and twenty five potholders are just plain too many.  It was rather shocking to dump out the drawers and empty the cupboards of all the items crammed into each one.  How did it all accumulate??

Basically, I wasn't a very good gate keeper over the years!  All those little purchases have added up to one big psychological anchor which I feel strongly compelled to lighten.  Today while at drum lessons I sat and listened to a conversation between two teenage girls sitting on the other couch in the waiting room.  They were exclaiming over a website one of them had found that sold discounted designer dresses and how awesome it was.  I was having a very hard time relating - probably due to me trumping them by twenty five years in age and also because I've been fixated on paring down lately.  The thought of hunting for and purchasing a designer dress left me empty because I don't need it.  Yay - I'm evolving!

Here's the perfect book to read about culling your material possessions.  It's thoughtful and brimming with sound reason.  I haven't yet argued once with her in my head; she's very convincing:

The Joy of Less by Francine Jay

Not to worry.  You won't be living in a home with two pieces of furniture and nothing on any flat surface anywhere to be seen - it's not like that.  It's more about keeping things for the right reasons (and her suggested reasons are thought-provoking) and working to protect the space around you.  When you aren't distracted by the clutter around you and the maintenance that clutter demands, then, and only then, can you give most of your energy to the people who matter in your life and to your creative energies.  This makes sense to me!  Walking into our kitchen I feel GOOD.  It's a room I can handle - sounds weird, but it doesn't make me tired.  Try it!!  Just with a drawer or a small closet. 

The only materials I am not compelled to cull are all of the homeschooling books, games, objects that we've collected.  They hold a certain value and I'm not willing to part with much there yet.  We also haven't tackled the Legos or the Bionicles, but don't need to anytime soon.  They bring Max umpteen hours of creative play and fill him up.  His Power Rangers and any extraneous Duplo blocks, on the other hand, are on their way out!

Happy culling if that's what you've been up to lately!  Check out Francine Jay's book and some of her other writings - a really nice way to begin a new year.

Happy Holidays, Merry New Year!

I'm back!  Two weeks of new puppy has brought me to the verge.  He's pretty darn wonderful, but boy - you forget how much 'watching' they require!  It's all a blur, really.  Up and down during the nights, sleeping a lot during the day with all that growing he has to do.  At six weeks he weighed in at 11 pounds; at eight weeks he's up to 16 pounds already.  He grows like bamboo.

We managed pretty well to get some school work done, too.  I am passing the buck more and more to Max as far as responsibility for his work.  That's my job, isn't it?  To teach him to take responsibility for his life.  So, here we go!  We still read a lot together, but much of his seat work is being handled by his ever-expanding brain.  I have more to say about this in another post and will - but right now sleep is beckoning.  That wonderful puppy is going to be up in a few hours and he'll need to visit the stars outside.  We get lots of fresh air lately!  Here's a pic of Max and Coby from the week.  Learning all about leash training!

Have a safe, extra fun, grateful holiday and we wish you well in the New Year, too! 

Coby, eight weeks of age.  Yes, he's on the carpet!

Great Dane Puppy

He's home!  He's loud.  He's cute.  He's got us all charmed.  Meet Cobus! 

Coby is six weeks old and weighs eleven pounds.  His little puppy brain is kind of overwhelmed - new house, new dogs, cats (gasp!), and a new schedule.  We were up most of the night last night........lots of screaming on his part.  He's pretty young to bring home, too.  Generally it's better to bring home a puppy at the seven or eight week mark.  He's the youngest guy we've ever had!  Today is already a step in the right direction because he's settling down in his pen and seems to be going with the flow more.  Whew.  Puppies are undeniably wonderful, but they come with some quirks, don't they?

I wonder how much homeschooling Max and I will be able to do next week! 

More Fantastic Horrible Science

This book makes for a good overview of the big concepts in science.  We are halfway through this entertaining endeavor; Max sure enjoys making up different voices for each of the miniature scientists as they encounter various 'horrible' situations.  Crawling around in someone's bacteria-laden mouth filled with bits of food and protists is well, kind of gross.  But these little scientist guys are up to the task and they 'teach' in an engaging manner.

Stunning Science

The concepts start out very tiny size-wise (big bang to elements to atoms to molecules to proteins, etc.), so it's a logically presented order of how everything around us is put together.  It's ooey, gooey, microbial, slimy, stinky, disgusting...........and laughter-inducing.  The concepts presented here form a very nice spine for an overview of basic chemistry, biology, human anatomy, physics - - basically the big overriding umbrella that is SCIENCE.

I'm enjoying reading this one aloud together; it's helping me to tick off the things we can cover as we continue to learn about science.  As we go I'm having a greater appreciation for the way something is presented - order is making a lot of sense (who'd have thunk?)  I learned much of this material in college, but it was not offered, or at least I didn't perceive it, in an orderly manner.  Thus sometimes I feel like the bits and pieces are still floating around my brain, but have yet to be laced together into a big picture.

Maybe I can do a favor for Max and help him to see the big picture that is science in all of its wonder.  He is simply flabbergasted that our bodily atoms 'float' over the atoms making up, say, a chair because at an atomic level, the electrons are repelling each other.  He can't get over that one!  I love to see him discover new things!  And every day I wish that every child would have the same opportunity to discover.  Homeschooling certainly isn't perfect and it's dependent on several variables, but overall (there's that big picture thing again) it can offer an entirely different way of being.  And that's something that's worth investing energy into.  

Math Idea for Kinesthetic Learners

Long division has taken over the dining room table, complete with those pesky remainders floating about. Max is very literal when learning math.  He wants to know the steps and that's about it, and he sure gets frustrated when he trips on the steps.

Sitting at the table doing problem after problem is about the worst thing he can imagine for a way to spend time.  Today he suffered through twelve problems and managed to eek them out, but he did tell me a few times that he was confused on what to do next as far as the 'steps'.

An idea!  Which I'll work on over the weekend to put in place on Monday.  "Steps".  Like learning dance steps, right?  Dance division!

It might help him if I set up a large-scale division problem out on the driveway with chalk.  Then we can step through the sequence literally (!) and write as we go.  This could also be done on a couple of big pieces of newsprint on your kitchen floor, too, if it's too cold to go outside when one happens to be tackling long division.  Or, bundle up and go out there anyway!  We are going to dance our way through division.  I'm sure this isn't an original idea in the slightest........but it does sound fun, doesn't it?

We learned a mnemonic that applies to long division, too, which is helping - it goes like this:

Dad says to divide

Mom says to multiply

Sister says to subtract

Brother says to bring it down

Dog says to do it again!

I'm not sure what cat, horse, donkey, hamster and fish are supposed to be doing, but at any rate, Dad, Mom, Sister, Brother and Dog are working - albeit they ARE a bit bossy.

I'm willing to bet that dance division is going to help him 'feel' it and he'll get a good grasp with his body and his brain.  Part of the challenge for me is paying attention to how he takes in information and I'm learning that I can't make many assumptions.  It's the coolest thing, really, because it's making me listen up and slow down. 

Here are some pictures from Monday's Driveway Division extravaganza.......

We 'walked through' each step 

Messing with him - alas, he doesn't love division 

Hey!  This is supposed to be math, not art!

Not for the Faint of Heart

I guess we both are 'faint of heart', then, because this book disappointed us.  I was looking forward to this particular read-aloud by Ernest Thompson Seton:

But was mainly left with a sad taste in my mouth.  Just a few posts ago I highlighted this book, saying we were anticipating its stories; I'm posting again to add a caveat, especially for parents of younger readers.  

This book, as much as it captures the real essence of wild animals in their native environments, also does a fine job of drawing attention to how horrible human beings can be to those animals in those native environments.  Namely to say that the humans in this book were mainly fixated on claiming the land strictly for themselves, for ridding the scape of all wolves, for torturing both domesticated and wild horses to death...... as much as the author took part in introducing us to stand-out representatives of various species (and they were a pleasure to meet), he also often played a significant role in bringing many of them to their eventual demise.  

Max picked up on this quickly and by the time we got through the chapter titled "The Pacing Mustang", he was spitting mad.  There were parts in several of the chapters that I did not want to read, especially out loud.  I was disappointed and saddened.  Needless to say, we won't be finishing this one.  Granted, the time period for this book was set in the late 1800's, but the "romance" of the Wild West did not seduce us into seeing past the cruelty that was inflicted.  We stopped right there and had enough.  

Harsh reality and much food for thought, so we're thinking about it.  What can WE do to help humans and animals live in more attuned harmony for the benefit of all species?  That's the question that seems almost too big to answer.  It's my job as a parent to try to raise an intelligent, caring, thoughtful and 'educated' youngster who is aware of a deeper reality, one that the world's future may depend on.  I guess Mr. Seton can be credited for getting us a little riled up then, huh?  Sigh.    

Dane Update!

Well, he's three weeks old on Monday and as of yet is nameless.  We went to see him and hug him yesterday and took some pictures.  Their eyes are open and they are starting to explore their surroundings - and they are starting to get stinky!  The mama Dane sure has her work cut out for her.

So little, but not for long. 

Getting to know each other (one is clearly more smell motivated) 

Another type of 'homeschooling', eh?

He'll be home in about a month.  It would be nice to have a name picked out by then.........Tripp?  Dominick?  Tobin?  Merlin?  Atticus?



Copywork Has Intrinsic Value - Consider It.

Thanks to 'meeting' Charlotte Mason over the summer, copywork has become part of my homeschooling arsenal.  I expected much resistance from the troops, to have to fish him out of his room after he ran to hide, but not so.  Copywork time is peaceful time at the table and we both like it for different reasons.  We try to do some copywork twice a week and occasionally mix in some dictation, too.

Max says he doesn't want his handwriting to look like that of a first grader's.  He seems pleased to see a page filled up with neat writing that came from his hand.  I have more of a covert agenda in that I'm glad he's being exposed to great thinkers who really know how to string words together.  They also are pretty good at using correct grammar, spelling and punctuation!  It's probably a given that readers tend to have a better natural grasp of the elements of language just by the sheer number of encounters one experiences with phrases and words and such.

The clever and fun part comes in when I climb outside of the box and try to surprise him with various pieces he can copy.  He is a huge fan of Calvin and Hobbes; dialogues between the free-thinking six year old and his stuffed tiger were among the first bits of copywork we did.  Musical lyrics work very well, too - especially if I pay attention to what he's listening to - that's poetry he can appreciate and relate to.  We finished Rudyard Kipling's The Jungle Book a few weeks ago and I could not resist the great battle between Rikki Tikki Tavi and Nag the cobra; one of Rudyard's best stories ever!  Pulling material from something your child is reading or has recently read gives him/her almost a sense of ownership over the words.  "Hey - I know those words!"  J.R.R. Tolkein's Bilbo Baggins has offered up some great text, too.

I expect him to take his time and pay attention to word placement on the paper; he has a tendency to want to conjure up never-before-seen hyphenations when he runs out of room at the end of a line.  Already there have been significant improvements in his confidence in not only penmanship, but in all other things composition-related.  It's getting him accustomed, too, to sitting for longer periods and writing longer pieces - something he didn't think he was capable of at the end of fifth grade.  Copywork is a valuable endeavor!  At first glance it appears to look exactly like busywork, but it's got so much more intrinsic value embedded in it.  Don't resist it - try it and see what happens.

Reach far and wide for copywork sources - use that wonderful imagination of yours.  Good stuff might be lurking on the backs of your cereal boxes......use thoughts from Mother Theresa, family stories written up by a senior member of the family, parts of great speeches, pieces of technical writing, scientific papers, newsletters from your favorite non-profits (might wish to double check the grammar and spelling!), non-fiction adventure stories, Winnie the Pooh, other philosophers.  It's wide open!  Plays and other manuscripts can take part nicely, too, and so can some comic books.  I started a file of ideas; some things fit better at different times depending on what we are doing.

I downloaded some quotations from Shakespeare's mind HERE.  I kind of like having him tucked in my idea folder!

By George I Think He's Got It!

It's time to celebrate around these parts.  Two major accomplishments and both deserve some recognition - hence a blog post to mark the moments!  First, my kiddo has officially memorized the multiplication tables!  Second, he completed reading The Hobbit on his own, all 504 pages of that puppy.  AND HE LIKED IT.  Time to pop the cork and have some root beer.

Teaching multiplication has been an arduous undertaking which, believe it or not, we started in fourth grade - two whole years ago.  Repetition, games, practical application, flashcards, worksheets, stories about people who actually use multiplication..........I sure have those facts down for the rest of my life, too!  Quick - ask me what 12 x 9 is.

Much more than the details of basic multiplication was learned and honored in this grand process - stuff that is worth passing along.  I have learned, and from now on will remember, that sometimes he is primed and ready to receive information, other times he is not.  I'm betting that all children are just the same to some degree.  When their brain synapses are aligned correctly and when Saturn's third moon is hurtling toward Vega and pink pigs with wings are flittering around your hummingbird feeders, only then will kids open doors to genuine learning - when they are darn good and ready!  Not a moment before, either.

What I really want to know at this juncture is had I not put an emphasis on learning his facts, would he have eventually grabbed them when he was darn good and ready?  Unschoolers offer a hearty 'yes' to this puzzler.  I can't rewind the tape or Photoshop in a mom with a different anxiety meter, so I'll never know for sure, but I do have a hankering that he would have been much better off without large doses of my worrying mixed in.  This has been a valuable lesson for me as a homeschooling parent.  I need to back off and wait patiently for my charge to take flight.  I didn't exhibit any of these worries when it came to reading and reading is something he has taken a genuine liking to without prodding.

Yesterday Max and I stood in front of the bookshelf that holds our homeschooling materials and he picked out what he wants to learn about this week.  Everything from how muscles work, Grossology, Picasso, more on Leonardo, Ancient warfare and finishing our current literature pick, to how the HSUS moves large prairie dog colonies successfully.  I noticed that he didn't pick any math worksheets, clever boy.  He did a few practice problems on double-digit multiplication today to increase his speed, but then we were on to something he wanted to learn about.

Grandma and Grandpa visited last week and brought him an old Casio calculator - the kind that has the paper roll attached so that you can print out your totals.  Max checked his work using this calculator and was immediately enamored with it.  I remember my mom's fingers flying over that number pad whenever she brought work home.  The hum of the paper feeding through the mechanism brought me right back to childhood, too.  He quickly figured out how to get more bang for his buck with the paper and fed it through differently so the paper could be used four times  - on both the right and left sides, front and back.  It might be fun to take that calculator apart someday - to figure out how that printing and feeding mechanism works.

If you are a new homeschooling parent, learn from the mistakes of those who have gone before you (like, um.....me!)  I'm here to tell you that worrying is wasted energy, that you have plenty of time to prepare your child for adulthood, that you can take time to have fun together and still learn a bunch.  This is the most relaxed I have been as a homeschool mom since I started three years ago.  And bonus, as of today, we know how prairie dog colonies get moved in humane fashion!   Here's the link so you can go see for yourself!:  Prairie Pups.  The Humane Society of the United States also publishes a worthwhile magazine called All Animals and their magazine written specifically for kids is called Kind News.